if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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