FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
