you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
