She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
