'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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