remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
