I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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