She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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