My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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