first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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