I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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