you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
