I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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