I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
