I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
