It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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