I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
