we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
