Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Your cock deserves a montage
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
