she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
