Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
