You're completely useless in the revolution.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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