So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
