PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
