Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
