Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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