I think I died a long time ago.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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