I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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