how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
