when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
