oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
