i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
