dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
