Kiss
Puke
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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