Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
