I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
