Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I faked an abortion last night.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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