My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
