6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
