That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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