I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it's like iHOP with fire
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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