and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
