her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
