This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
