As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
