That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
