Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
