fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
