started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
