ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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