What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
