I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
