my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
