Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
