Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
