I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she peed on how many people?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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