During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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