Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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